Breaking Down


I’ve always had a taste for cool, horrible cars (vehicles.) From an International Scout to a  80’s GMC Jimmy to a 70’s Honda Chopper. The horribleness (is that a word?) of these cars wasn’t from design so much as age, time isn’t kind on vehicles that rely on controlled, timed, and contained explosions for propulsion.

My favorite of the alleged vehicles was my Subaru Brat. I’ve pictured one above for those of you unfamiliar with Japan’s small answer to the Chevy El Camino. If you don’t know what an El Camino is you obviously grew up in a better neighborhood than me.

At any rate my criteria for cars was driven more by a desire for uniqueness than the actual ability to get me anywhere. Therefore I often found myself paused or pushing these rolling expressions of my rugged individualism as they sputtered and and threw smoke (as well as my poor choices) in my face.

Inevitably though, either while I was pushing, stalling or just sweating without a.c. I would see and even more decrepit car plugging along nicely with no smoke, sputters, or backfires. Vents blowing vigorously through the hair of the diver and lifting it in glorious waves of arctic air as they would turn a corner and dive on.

Beads of sweat would roll down my forehead and past my frown as I would wonder, “Why? Why does that piece of crap run while my piece of crap doesn’t?”

I was reminded of this the other day when thinking of people who get ahead and have their great lives or relationships even though they lie, cheat, and steal.

I’m working on building my life in Christ and as I started building God broke me down. Down to the low dirt, and he did it with exactly the parts that He needs built up.

Luckily as I sat there smoking and sputtering in the wreckage of my life I had someone there to remind me to trust God. I was reminded that it wasn’t my job to ask why I should have my world crash around me and why, once again, I caused so much pain when there are some who are so much worse who still prosper. It was and is my job to trust God and live his will and not my own.

I’m no theologian (good thing to because I can’t pronounce the word) but I know that sometimes evil will prosper, sometimes marriages that are grounded in the world will go on while one that is being built in Christ will stall and break down. Crappy cars will always drive past stalled out “better cars.”

It would be easy to question why. Why God? Why does the cheater have his wife and kids while my mistakes haunt me even after I’ve invited you into my heart? Why do the shady dealers get so much money while I struggle to pay my bills while trying to live by your will? Why does my car stall out even after I’ve handed you the wheel?

It would be easy and even natural to ask all those questions, but that’s not part of trusting God’s plan. When these questions pop into my head I smile and I trust God and I remember to be thankful for what I have. I’ve had the love of a kind and caring woman whose physical beauty was surpassed and enhanced by her spiritual glow. A woman who showed me the power and the glory  and the pathway to loving God. I have enough money to pay those bills, I have a job that I love and believe in, and I have a family and kids that show me the power of giving and receiving God’s love.

When my brain tries hard to keep asking God why, I remember the first verse that my Angel sent me and it brings me peace.

John 14:1 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me.”


4 thoughts on “Breaking Down

  1. Being and older man now I see that even though it appears the wicked are prospering in the coming years their lives will slowly become more and more of a living Hell.

    Jehovah needs to put us through the furnace of affliction before He can put us on the potters wheel.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love this analogy. And your rugged individualism, is very cool.

    Your blog is inspiring me in a way that I will try to write about in the next few days. Since we barely started interacting, this probably confuses you, but a little patience, and all will become clearer.

    I struggle at the moment to find the words. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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