Just like love lost
A heart tossed
Aside Shoved by
Hearts held back
Hearts weak hearts slack
A small room, where damage lives
A small piece that I could never give
Like a blossom dropped from the dozen
Like a piece stopped, held frozen
But in it danger dwells
And the need only swells
I grasp at the stems
Desperate for control
Fists clenching my soul
Bloody briars sting my skin
Exposing liar’s sin within
I am the weak the broken flower
Need takes over, stealing power
I give in She gave up
In love she left
The blossom on the floor
I can’t tell if that poem is happy or sad… both maybe?
I think I have always worshiped women… The statement by itself sounds amazing I suppose, who wouldn’t want to be worshiped? Well, it’s how that worship is put into practice that is the problem. I loose myself… I pour myself into the worship… only I hold a tiny little bit back.
That tiny little bit is the part of my heart/mind that clings to my victim attitude, that holds to old habits, and that whispers in my ear at night, “You’re gonna loose her.”
Fear made me worry, worry turned to anxiety, anxiety turned to acting out, and soon I had created the exact situation I feared so much…
Welp, I’m done doing that, (o.k. I’m getting ready to start being done…) I’m working on a true and pure love, a love that can only come from/through God and it feels pretty peaceful. How?
Million dollar question baby!
Probably the biggest thing is to trust God. I’ve seen some amazing movement in my life and I had a revelation that was/is mind blowing the other day. I’ll share it with you sometime (look at me building suspense!) when I can think of how to tell the story without sounding bat *poopie crazy. (I’m also trying not to curse these days, which requires heroic effort and vocabularic control)
For now I try to remember what love should be and the following helps me to stay focused on exactly that.
1 John 4:18-19