Your name….

 

heather

Cries out but on my lips it dies

You led me to find a different prize

Always my heart will carry the wound

Of the harm I’ve done, love done too soon

 

My deeds betrayed a heart so dark

Your pure love a gift, that first little spark

Showing  with light that I was him

Who needed change from deep within

 

You left me, go heal your scars

Leaving my love to give afar

I wish you could see His light you’ve stirred

A life with Him that would never occurred

 

The last gift I have for you is  peace

a silent, unspoken, heartbroken release….

 

Well today is tough for me. Even though I don’t feel like I deserve to feel sorry for myself and I guess really I’m not. I was on the brink of sending something anonymously to a past love who I really just want to show some appreciation to for all that she showed me and gave to me.

I didn’t respect and care for that love and to contact her would just cause pain. I had a gift ordered on Amazon… ready to ship… with a cute little note. I realized I was doing it for me and not for her (well mostly for her but also for me I guess…. it’s confusing) before clicking the checkout button I decided to email a friend about it… more than a friend and accountability partner who is also my sponsor in recovery. Waiting for me was an email from him with the following quotation…

Let nothing disturb you.

Nothing dismay you.

All things past.

But God never changes.

Whoever has God lacks nothing.

If you have only God,

You have more than enough.

-Teresa Avila

Wow, how wonderful the way God works, he lifted me out by moving my buddy, and he saved the woman (my ex) from a painful reminder of my actions.

So rather than send something to here I decided to assault y’all with my questionable poetry….. at least this one’s not about clouds right?

I think I will always struggle with love, I will always worry that I am not good enough to receive love….. ouch wow, I don’t know if I’ve ever admitted that before.

The crazy thing is….. I’m not, nothing I ever do will be good enough for Our Father to love me… but he does anyway.

In fact He did something amazing for us all because of that love…

 

John 3:16  “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

 

 

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “Your name….

      • Yes, you will, when you allow yourself to heal. It’s a choice you make. Believe or not, some don’t want to let go of the pain, either to punish the self or the other one. I said to one client, don’t have a flown face when he is around, he didn’t even care to look, why try to make him feel guilty!

        Like

      • ‘flown’ meant ‘frown.’ Well, one thing we do often in counseling with clients, especially dealing with a person who is no longer in sight, due to the distance or death, we have the client writes a letter to the other person. Find a quiet time, write out anything you want to say to that person. The client could read the letter out loud to an empty chair, or to the counselor who is facing the other way, or even to a trusted friend. The purpose is to unload all that is in the chest. I read a couple letters on one blogger’s blog. Eventually he asked for my email address to give me more detail. But not everyone wants to publish that letter. What you started doing is great. In your private world, you may want to write out everything you want to say about whatever – sorry, regret, need her still, you wish… Well, wishing you the best! Miriam

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s