Cries out but on my lips it dies
You led me to find a different prize
Always my heart will carry the wound
Of the harm I’ve done, love done too soon
My deeds betrayed a heart so dark
Your pure love a gift, that first little spark
Showing with light that I was him
Who needed change from deep within
You left me, go heal your scars
Leaving my love to give afar
I wish you could see His light you’ve stirred
A life with Him that would never occurred
The last gift I have for you is peace
a silent, unspoken, heartbroken release….
Well today is tough for me. Even though I don’t feel like I deserve to feel sorry for myself and I guess really I’m not. I was on the brink of sending something anonymously to a past love who I really just want to show some appreciation to for all that she showed me and gave to me.
I didn’t respect and care for that love and to contact her would just cause pain. I had a gift ordered on Amazon… ready to ship… with a cute little note. I realized I was doing it for me and not for her (well mostly for her but also for me I guess…. it’s confusing) before clicking the checkout button I decided to email a friend about it… more than a friend and accountability partner who is also my sponsor in recovery. Waiting for me was an email from him with the following quotation…
Let nothing disturb you.
Nothing dismay you.
All things past.
But God never changes.
Whoever has God lacks nothing.
If you have only God,
You have more than enough.
Wow, how wonderful the way God works, he lifted me out by moving my buddy, and he saved the woman (my ex) from a painful reminder of my actions.
So rather than send something to here I decided to assault y’all with my questionable poetry….. at least this one’s not about clouds right?
I think I will always struggle with love, I will always worry that I am not good enough to receive love….. ouch wow, I don’t know if I’ve ever admitted that before.
The crazy thing is….. I’m not, nothing I ever do will be good enough for Our Father to love me… but he does anyway.
In fact He did something amazing for us all because of that love…
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.